Dark thoughts

 I should have thought this yesterday, and I shouldn't have let the shopping experience drag me down! I knew I was being grumpy but couldn't shake it off.

But our evening steak meal was very nice and Dh cooked it beautifully, so I was grateful for that. 

I had a bad night I was awake for hours and got up to read, because I just couldn't get comfortable in bed, even though Dh woke and helped me with the duvet, so I was covered. I can't pull it over me with my right duff arm. Then wouldn't you know I needed the loo again! So I grabbed my kindle and dressing gown to read in the lounge. Usually in my arm chair I can sleep with my feet up on a stool. But I was in the wide awake club with thoughts whizzing through my mind. I read a little but couldn't even settle there, then I felt cold. The temps dropped quite considerably last night and being hypothyroid my hands and feet get really cold. So I thought I'd try to sleep in the bed again. 

Dh was sleeping quietly, I could see the duvet moving as he breathed. And I think that was the cause of my sleeplessness, some one in a FB gardening group I follow, had reached out to the group that day, to say, his wife had failed to wake that morning and he was distraught. Poor man, what a sad thing to happen. You go to bed together and one of you doesn't wake up; what do you do next?

Then I read Andrews blog that his partner of 44 years had died, presumably suddenly as he hadn't said his partner was ill. 

It all preyed on my mind and the thoughts of death brought back that several of my friends have died in the last few years. 

So no wonder I couldn't sleep with such dark thoughts.. 

As I was wriggling back into bed Dh stirred and asked if I was alright, he knew I'd not been in the bed for a couple of hours. So I just mumbled I was a bit cold, so as he is the lovely man he is, he curled up behind me to warm me up. It was still a while before I could get to sleep, but I took comfort in his warm loving cuddle and eventually my eyes closed. When I woke Dh was in the kitchen I could hear the click of the kettle lid, so a cup of tea was on the way. 

I got up, weary but determined to smile and be in a positive mood.

Thank you my love for being there, day and night and I am grateful for everything, my life, still going at 81, even with this duff arm. I've survived the ops, the inconvenience, the pain and the limited life I have now; not the life I had before breaking my arm, I miss driving but most of all I miss playing the piano, but I have a comfortable life which is as happy as I want to choose it to be!

Chrisxx