My mind will not always remember exactly what happened, but my heart will always remember the feeling.
And as much as I try to forget, its like my heart feels that 'punch' again and I die a little again inside.
My sensible #1son says let it go mum and I've tried, but it won't go away. Worst times are nights when I can't sleep and there are lots of those thoughts; what did I do, or what didn't I do?
Years ago in her teenage years, she was asked to join some friends to play badminton and to bring a friend to even up the numbers and she asked me to go with her. Of course I didn't and she phoned a neighbour to asked her daughter to go with her.
When she was having her first daughter, I was phoned to be with her while she was in labour, her husband had been sent out for arguing with the Dr. I drove the 64 miles like the clappers and stayed right into the late evening.
I was there for every baby crisis; why wouldn't she sleep? Feed? Stop crying?
And later with the birth of her sons, I was always there if I was needed, although some evenings after a day at work I was tired and ready to put up my feet, but I still drove those 64 miles.
But one afternoon, that phone call ended it all.
A tirade of abuse, shouting and screaming, I burst into tears and hung up.
And since then? I've tried but the hurt I felt has never gone and altho' we have spoken and in fact, she and her daughter and the daughter's boy friend stayed a Saturday night, when we lived in Suffolk, we hardly speak these days. And for the first time ever I didn't send her a birthday present.
I've decided to let her go, sometimes in life when you're so hurt you can't get back to how things were. I think some days I'll phone but the memories linger and the hurt is still there.
What would you do if you were me?
Chrisxx
5 comments:
It sounds like that one day, when she was going through something very terrible, she talked to you on the phone and let you have all the frustration and anger she was feeling. She may never realize how bad it made you feel, she may never apologize, never understand. But then we can't understand everything that happens in another person's life, it simply isn't possible.
Much better now, to think about the good times instead, to accept that we are all failures occasionally at our relationships. And then, when it's comfortable, reach out with love and kindness if you want to keep the connection open. In the end, it is family that is most important, and the rising generations down the line.
If something terrible was to happen, and you had no second chance to make amends, would you live your life in regret that you hadn't let go of your hurt and made more effort to reconnect with your daughter? I'm in no way suggesting any of this that this is your fault, but none of us know what is around the corner, so at least if you have tried everything, you can then let it go.
Sounds like you and your daughter need to sit down and have a good talk, without accusations on either side, and calmly say how you each feel, and listen to what each other has to say without automatically being defensive. I'd start by ringing her and wishing her a happy birthday.
Good luck, and wishing you the best
Pauline
This was just like reading the last 10 years of my life. I look at her photo and tears are in my eyes. That Prem baby I took such care of, was there just like you when her family was born. Then out of the blue the abusive phone call. I moved away I couldn't bear to bump into her in town and wonder what to do.
I feel your pain , but I don't have the courage to try to change things. I wish you the very best of luck and hope with all my heart your rift heals.
Jayne x
The hardest thing is to realise you have to let someone go, and then stop thinking of them, it's very hard and often you make it harder on yourself, with guilty feelings, what if's. I too play too much in my own mind, it's hard to change yourself, but you must. Your own health is important, look forward, smile and be happy.
I agree with your Son, let it go, let her go, and then let your hurt go and forget her.
You've been too good a friend to someone who didn't appreciate what a good friend that she had in you.
You're worth so much better
Let it go
San x
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