Two weeks ago I had a text saying she had booked a b&b. and they were free Sunday and the Wednesday and wanted to treat us to a meal, as I had helped when she moved house, many moons ago.. I don't like eating out, as my duff arm makes eating without spilling food not easy and Dh has to cut some meats for me! I replied that we weren't free Sunday, but Wednesday was ok. Dh suggested inviting them here..I wish we hadn't.
A succession of text messages kept coming. I hardly use my mobile and would rather phone than text. First it was, she was now on a gluten free diet, which wasn't a problem for us. Then she didn't eat peppers or onions.. so we decided on a plain chicken, with a green salad with optional gluten free dressing, new potatoes and roasted baby tomatoes, fruit for desert.
So we thought all sorted. Then more text messages, could we meet Monday or Tuesday for a coffee? So as were in town Tuesday, which is my hair appointment day, I said ok. We suggested Costa, easy to get to and good coffee and a very good loo. Her answer, she'd have to check if they had oat milk. Anyway although they did, it also had wheat in it and her partner finds the smell in there too overwhelming !!WOT?? So no to Costa, yes there are 2 other coffee shops, but not to suit me, and I didn't want to anyway. I was getting a bit fed up with my phone pinging with text messages, so I switch off the sound. Dh and I had a chat and I decided to say scrap lunch here, as it probably wouldn't be right! I'm too old to be bothered with people who I haven't seen for years.
A long text back, to say they had come all this way to see me and would be disappointed not to. I had never said come and visit me, in fact apart from Christmas and birthday cards, we'd not had any personal contact for years. I was not happy, and was ok if I never saw her. And I never liked her partner anyway, who used to have his phone on permanently, with it ringing every10 mins from his daughter. Dh persuaded me to let them come. Monday afternoon we went to Tesco and bought a whole load of food.
When I had yet another text, she was ok if we didn't meet for coffee, and not to worry about the food, what ever we did would be fine, we wouldn't poison her, it would just cause her some discomfort.. I was furious, how insulting, did honestly think we didn't understand about allergies! And also her partner only has black coffee or green tea.
I am not happy, but I'm thinking it's only once, then I will never have to see her again. grrrrr
What do you think am I being horrible? Do you know what, if you think I am, I couldn't care less. I feel I've been blackmailed and manipulated!
Chrisxx
17 comments:
I feel you have too. My goodness, what a needy person. Your first instinct was definitely right, wasn't it?
And as for 'come all this way to see you' - they were booking a holiday so that's a load of rubbish to start with. As you so rightly said, it is emotional blackmail.
No, I don't think YOU are the horrible one, no way. Good luck with it all. xx
What a cheek I would turn of my phone to never speak or text again how rude are they Sandy mid wales
No you’re not being horrible. If it was me I’d feel like I’d been backed into a corner and I’d feel angry and resentful. Maggie J
Keep calm and kepp smiling. Then when she's gone cross her off your Christmas card list. Val
Another thumbs up from me.
Have been in a similar situation. A friend made plans and then asked to stay with me for two nights, would I pick her up from a station about 29 miles from me, and she was travelling with a friend so could we put her up as well. Unfortunately we were away for her dates and I told her this. A couple of years she said that she was upset I had blown her away. It reminded her of the sequence of events but no that wasn’t her recollection. Our communications on her visit had been via text so I checked to see if they were still in history and they were. They backed up my memory of the communication so I forwarded them to her. Her response wasn’t “Sorry I got that one wrong” it was “ But the set up this time...wow.
It’s interesting how you chose to do it. That you chose to so cleverly and deliberately play it, and me, the way you did.”
Needless to say I have one fewer Christmas card to send each year.
What a palaver! I think you are being incredibly gracious. And simple chicken and salad is the way to go when feeding people whose diet you are not sure about. They can take what they want and leave the rest
Wow, she sounds like something. I would be so irritated!
I'm afraid it will be a long evening for you, then hopefully you will never have to see her again!
I would have been very frustrated with the whole exchange. She could have said, we have some food restrictions, so no food is necessary. They'll just stop by for an hour or so to catch up. Or meet at a park, etc. That would have been so easy.
She'll provide more material for another blog post. Some people are self-absorbed to a great degree.
Some people dont know how to behave.Cross them off your card lists and phone contacts.
Good grief. It sounds like the Queen was going to visit. I’d feel the same.
I totally get this. No you are not being horrible!
Alison in Wales x
I'm feeling stressed just reading about your situation. It does sound like she is trying to pressure you into something you're not comfortable with. Xx
Sorry but I would have sent a text back cancelling the whole shebang. She is completely rude and inconsiderate. Pollie
Oh boy. I too have an aggravating friend, but have learned to deal with it. She is only here once a year, but they stay a month at their cabin...andvher hubby happily dumps her on me for full days. She is so sweet, but wants to help, has tons of questions about everything we do, constantly warns me to be careful, suggests all kinds of therapies, crafts, etc that I have no interest in, and shows me photos all day long of people I don't know. I can't hurt her feelings because she really is a nice person. Can't stand her husband, who is vain and puts her down constantly. I have to grit my teeth and do the best I can.
All that to say, you are NOT mean! She is self-centered and unthinking. Wishing you the best with your lunch
You were being gracious when you invited and agreed to accommodate food allergies. After that, it seems it went down hill for you and DLH quickly and unfairly. I had my childhood girl friend of 60 years come to our state last year. She was staying only 50 miles away, but I really did not want to entertain or offer sleeping accommodations, so I drove to meet her and have a walk about gardens and eat lunch. That was enough visit. I hope when you do see these people, they are pleasant.
Your instinct was right. She sounds like a self-centred pain in the bottom! I think I would be tempted to call the whole thing off due to the sudden onset of diplomatic Covid....
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