I've missed a whole week of blogging and most importantly blog reading. This time of year is not a good time for me, too many memories that bring me down into the depths of sadness. Sometimes I can just shrug it off, other times I weep for the slightest thing.
Its a whole 10 years since I tripped and broke the humerus bone in my right arm, my dominate arm! It has been life changing and if I didn't have my lovely husband, I couldn't have managed.. The last 2 ops which included a bone insertion and shoulder replacement were the most painful experiences of my life. Something I didn't know was, you can have a wedge of bone inserted in yours from any blood group, it doesn't make any difference, and yes the bone was donated by a deceased person! The shoulder replacement means I can only use my arm at waist level, but not higher, my arm will not lift up! So I learnt to do my hair and wash etc left handed and hence I visit a hair salon or have someone to the house every week. And of course I'm not legal to drive. My writing is pretty awful too and I take ages to put on my clothes. Dh helps with my bra.
Over the 10 years my over all health has deteriorated and I gained 3 stone! Lockdown didn't help and I know I should do more. But I've had a wake up call through a cheap clothing site! I usually buy my clothes on line from a Norwegian firm. https://www.gudrunsjoden.com/en-us They have dresses in bigger sizes that fit and are bright colours. I love them and although they cost a bit more, they are worth it. I saw a cheap dress on line and I thought it would be perfect for an at home, housework dress.. It was a darker green than the picture, but still nice, but the fit!! It was big all over, so sleeves reaching to my knees, well nearly and skimpy round my middle, so very very unflattering. For the very first time I could see the real me, not the internal view I have of myself. I am huge, really, really fat! It shocked me and I won't be looking in the full length mirror in the middle bedroom again, for at least a few months and I will knuckle down and get this weight off! So tears for the dress and fat me.
I've had some sleepless nights worrying about it and that doesn't help my weight loss. Because I'm too tired to do much the next day, but that dress is hanging outside my wardrobe to spur me on!
What is this weight thing, I never had a problem when I was young. I hardly gained any weight when pregnant and not any for years.. a few pounds extra when my underactive thyroid was diagnosed in 1988 and just a bit more over the years, and now here I am grossly over weight and struggling!
Chrisxx
11 comments:
Goodness, I didn't know you'd had that accident and didn't have the full use of your right arm, that really is life changing! Sorry to hear it is making you feel so particularly down this year and that you are feeling so bad about your weight. I hope and pray that you will get the sleep you need to spur you into action that will help your weight and self esteem. I hope that things improve for you x
Dear Chris, I am sorry that you have these issues. There is nothing evidently that can be done about the arm and that is just horrible in itself. Unexplained weight gain is just something that we hear about all the time and it's simply that, unexplained. I see that you've had a battle going on with yourself and that is not good for you mentally of course. Praying for a good outcome.
Hugs. I hope your mood lifts soon with some positive thoughts.
That accident sounds so painful and the results required much adjustment. But you manage. Keep working at the weight loss. You’ll get there!
I'm sure you're not as fat as you think you are. You go regularly to your slimming group and monitor your weight. Your new dress is too big and a reminder that you've lost weight.
When depressed, our minds do not allow us to see ourselves properly. That's why anorexics cannot see the true skeletal state of their bodies and continue to starve themselves.
I wondered why your blog was quiet for a bit. Sounds like you know what to do to improve your mood swings. take care.
Sending cyber hugs your way. Hopefully, things will look brighter and better to you in a few days.
I understand. My knee is painful every day, worse every time I have to get out of a chair. But oh dear, you have had to deal with this for 10 years!
As for weight, it is certainly a conundrum isn't it. Seems that no matter how much I try , it refuses to budge. Then when I am not paying particular attention, I will lose some. Don't beat yourself up too badly. We all know you are trying, Chris.
Gudrun S clothes are beautiful. I look at the website and my fingers hover over the 'add to basket' button. I might follow your recommendation.
It's hard when deeply upsetting realities with no easy solutions are thrust in your face at every moment of the day. Your positive posts are an inspiration, but I do understand the hard work that goes into staying positive. It's not surprising to suddenly find you've run out of steam. Hope you find your joy again soon. It won't have gone far!
Thinking of you with love. You are an amazing lady.
Loosing weight is much harder the older we get and mobility issues make it harder still, but you are doing your best and that's all we can do. Have you considered calorie counting using an app called Nutra check though instead of sw? Someone I know has lost 4st Calorie counting with this app as nothing is off limits
Hope you manage to catch up on some sleep, things look so much better after a good rest. Take care x
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