My mother would have been 109 yesterday, she died age 26.. I often wonder how my life would have been if she'd lived and my father had been De-mobbed earlier.
I was pushed here there and every where as a small child, and when my grand mother was in one of her temper tantrums, she often shouted she wished she'd sent me to the work house, well she was born in 1887.. but I survived, probably because my aunt paid for me to board at that amazing school.
But I wish my young life had been different. I tried really hard to give my own children the childhood I didn't have. I read to them, I played with them, we went to the park, I took them swimming, and anything they needed for school they had... and the best, no second best. It wasn't easy their father was mean with money, but I could sew, so I made clothes for friends children, altho I never took any orders for clothes I didn't think I could do!! But it gave me extra money.
When my daughter started dancing lessons, when they had shows, I made a lot of the outfits and my daughter had free dance lessons. I think one year I made 6 tutus , whew they were difficult to make! I belonged to WAM, Working Association of Working Mothers. And through it I organised a swap group, so my son had football boots and a friend's daughter had ballet shoes!
I never let the worst of things get in the way of having fun with my children, When I found out about the full facts of my 'ex's life style,' I wanted to leave, but how would I afford to live. My best friend told me about the extension college of a University in the next town. She looked after my youngest when I went for the interview.. and 3 years later at 39 years of age I got a B.ed and I had a job teaching, which meant I could support myself and my children, altho only my youngest was really still at home. My Ex and I had a big discussion of how we'd go on and it lasted 4 years, but it didn't work out and I filed for a divorce. It wasn't easy or pleasant, but most holidays I returned here, to my home. Only my two aunts were alive and they were only too happy to see me and who ever of my children were free to come in those 4 years.
In 1987 I bought my own house, and we started living free of lies and deceit, altho I couldn't afford the Hair Dressing Salon I used to use and had a cry in the shower about a perm that went very frizzy!!.. Since then of course in 2004 I met Dh and he is the husband I thought how husband's should be. He's kind, loving and thoughtful and we live very happily. So would I have ended up here with Dh if my mother had lived? I still have quiet weeps looking at her photograph. I was two and a half when she died and I have a very vague memory of her in a bed..I never stopped wanting a mother.. but it wasn't to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment