Monday, 25 February 2019

An answer and so that's that.

A few people who email me have asked what has happened since  someone whom I loved dearly,  became a screaming out of control person on a phone call. 

One of the things she  shouted at me my arm isn’t that bad and I should be grateful that it isn’t cancer. That wasn’t all that was shouted on that phone call. No end of complaints of things I had done or hadn’t done to which I was clueless.  Afterwards Dh and I went through the things she complained about and there weren’t any grounds for the things she complained about. We had done things that she had wanted. She had no idea how I struggle with this damn arm.

Her daughter and Bf phoned a few weeks after,  to say they were in Suffolk and could they pop in. It was a Sunday so we killed the ‘fatted Calf’ and pulled out all the stops; we were able to have a table laden with delicious food. Dh even made his famous Eton mess from scratch. I thought perhaps her mother might get in touch after this, but no.
 I did email her and just said, she should be grateful for all she had, but I also said I wouldn’t phone.  And I haven’t.  I‘ve had many weepy moments with Dh and sleepless nights, but as the weeks turned into months I gradually began to accept the situation. I did send her the lovely ‘Making Winter’ book for her birthday but didn’t have a response. 
But then out of the blue she phoned on my birthday December 20th and Christmas day and I had received beautiful cards. There was no mention of that horrible phone call, so I guess it's to be forgotten. I did phone on New Years Day.

But it had been such a long time from July to December I had got used to not chatting and I had stopped worrying about it. Christmas saved me a lot of money, as I didn’t buy any presents and just sent cheques to the children.
 I doubt things will ever be back to how they were.  I am almost afraid to talk when she phones now. I feel whatever I say it won’t be the right thing. Dh and I have talked about the whole situation and we have decided we don’t mind if we never see them again and that she and her husband are not very nice people. 

So that's that, we are loving our lives here in Suffolk and are very happy to be just 'ordinary'. 



mamasmercantile said...

I am so sorry to read this, arguments with people you care about can be life changing. Stay strong.

Joanne Noragon said...

Interesting, isn't it, getting over it, and then you're over and "it's" over.

Vickie said...

Well, that is strange. I am glad that she is contacting you, but sad that she does not acknowledge the problem. Sad that she does not make amends.

Lesley said...

I remember you posting about this before. It really struck a chord with me as we are in a similar situation- a cousin who used to send me cards with “sister” on suddenly emailed that she and her husband were no longer having social dealings with anyone, and would be in touch some time in the future when & if they felt so gets worse but I won’t bore you! Thank God for friends.........
I guess that old adage is true:”there’s nowt so queer as folks”

Winifred said...

That's very sad but odd she hasn't apologised. I think you just have to accept that your life will be easier without her.

I've had a couple of (well I thought they were) good friends who have moved away & just not kept in touch, no arguments or bad feeling just not bothering to respond. It's been hard to accept but it's obviously what they want.

I wouldn't bother with phoning her as you say they are not very nice people & maybe she'll get the message. You can get over it you just don't forget especially in your case where you have no idea why it happened.

Julie said...

Nowt so queer as folk ....isn't that the saying
{{hugs}} xx

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just have to cut people loose. Some people have no grace or compassion. I, personally think she was out of line and needs to apologize. It sounds like it is not going to ruin your life either way. Put her out of your thoughts and move on with the people that really care.