It's not cancer!

Thank you everyone that left a comment and those of you who emailed, it's lovely to read those messages.. and since then...

….I have got myself together, and after all my blog is called 

'Always Smiling.' I don't think I have ever let myself get so down. I honestly believe that it's up to yourself as to how you feel. So I have started to do the damn arm exercises (excuse the swear word) because they cause such pain and then I can't move my arm for a few days. I have had said to me,  by someone I thought loved me, that I should be grateful ......after all it's not cancer! That was so hurtful I was devastated. Surprisingly we don't speak any more!

The problem with pain is... it doesn't show! She has never seen me struggling to pull up my knicks, that's why I only wear skirts I couldn't cope with slacks. I am trying to use my right arm, but to be really honest between you blog friends and not anyone else,  it doesn't come naturally and I hardly use it at all.. except of course knitting and crocheting but the surgeon said that wasn't using it properly,  as I am only using my hand. But I 'm still smiling... just!!
What would you do if someone you loved and thought loved you, said something so hurtful, it took your breath away?  I couldn't speak and choked back tears and hung up the phone. 

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Not good news!

​Yesterday I went for my twelve month  post op check up at The Royal London Orthopaedic Hospital, and the result was I probably won't ever drive again.. I can keep up with the physio to free my shoulder some more, but I won't be able to lift my arm up.  I cried when he said, but the truth is, it probably won't get any better. He has suggested to take pain killers through the day so I will have it easier to do the exercises,  I 've said I don't want any further appointments can't see the point of them.

Yes, not news I wanted, but it's not just being not able to drive, it's all the other things I can no longer do. I am inhibited cooking because my arm won't reach forward and I certainly can't lift stuff in and our of the oven.. gardening is limited, you can't really dig one handed, washing and dressing isn't easy, even getting in and out of bed is painful, so I am looking at a duff painful arm and the future looks bleak to me. I hate the loss of my independence. Although I could walk to the library its just 3/4 mile but it takes me a while with my walking stick for balance so, I am getting a mobility scooter in the new year, at least then I am not so dependent on DH, which I hate. There is also the possibility of an automatic car and a steering system for only one arm. We have the money and can't take it with us so might as well spend it.

Unless you have this, no one knows how my life has changed since breaking my arm now 3 years and 9 months ago! 

No need to say I have felt very down and weepy all day. 

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100 YEARS

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A day in my life.

I haven't given up blogging but have just been busy. I couldn't give up, I hate it when I read someone's last post to say that they won't be writing anymore. I am so selfish to think, how dare they when I have faithfully followed them for years and now I won't find out if they achieve that wish, or saved that money, or got that dream home?
 I know you can't always write something every day. Do you want to know, what housework I 've done today? (actually none, we have a cleaner) or what we had for our evening meal, it was a SW recipe of Hunter's Chicken and was rather delicious, (DH made it) and this morning we had our Spanish Class. Hola! I've  read the 'i' newspaper, cover to cover and also finished my 88th book for this year, ' The Death of Mrs Westaway' by Ruth Ware, a really good read! And I have made a Christmas Pud, started it yesterday and is now in the slow cooker, and one waiting to go in. 
So a full day, in fact DH and I have said what a busy week we've had, something on every day, next week I have my appointment at the London Royal Orthopaedic Hospital at Stanmore, it will be at the newly built hospital. I think I will be signed off ,as it's 12 months since that last operation. I still have pain and certainly haven't got100% use of my arm. ( I made that Christmas pud, left handed)
I am making stuff for friends for Christmas so can't show, but these wools and bits are what I am using. 

I don't think you'll guess what it is I am making; here is a clue it can be hung on a tree and will have something with it that can be eaten?? ( Have you any idea?) Have you started your Christmas makes?

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