The tennis had brought back some memories of a friend, who like me watched and cheered and yelled, especially when it was Andy Murray. We lived apart but emailed every day, more than once a day sometimes, for 20 years. And in Wimbledon we emailed 'yells' back and fro. But just before last Christmas she stopped communicating with me.
Something was said and I gave her an explanation, that implied she had the wrong end of the stick. And just like that she stopped, no explanation, just gave a message to someone else for me. There's no need to tell you, it caused me a lot of heart ache.
Why? I wanted an explanation, as to why, I wanted to know; I was chasing an explanation as though knowing why, would lesson the pain I was feeling. If I could get her to explain herself, perhaps I'd feel better about it. But the truth is knowing why, wouldn't make it go away.
My lovely husband said at the time, let it go, there was no reason why she reacted as she did to me in particular, and it could have been anyone, and not me! It wasn't because I deserved it, not really because I caused it, not because I could have stopped it happening, once it had, that was it! Lesson learnt, when people step out of line, they don't want to be reminded that they have..
I've missed the daily banter especially now its tennis, but I've accepted now, that friendship has gone. But was it a true friendship, I think not, now that I've written about it.
Would you drop a faithful friend of 20 years with no explanation? And as Dh said, she was no friend to behave like that!
Chrisxx
12 comments:
Your post really touched me. I had a friend who I met in 1983. We went out for lunch and dinner together, traveled together, bought season tickets to plays, went to concerts. We laughed heartily and had a great time when we were together. When Trump came onto the scene, politics began to enter our conversations in the way they never had before. Finally sometime when Trump was running for the second time, she literally told me she was done with me because I opposed Trump. Wow, talk about a knife to the heart. So I sympathize.
Nina
My trump story was me cutting ties. I had a good friend since we were 10. She is a big trump supporter. On Facebook she finally reported the "The only good liberal is a dead liberal" meme. I unfriended her. She was gobsmacked even when I told her why. She couldn't understand why I was taking it so personally. I haven't cut her off completely. A year later I took her out for her 70th birthday. But now we are "acquaintancs" with no shared social media. Not friends.
I had a roommate from college that went quiet on me. We kept in touch even though we were only roommates for one semester and she returned to her original school for senior year. She took a job in DC as I did and even after I was married we kept seeing each other. The last time was after she married and she had us over. By that time I had two kids and brought them along - that may have been a faux pas because the other couple she invited didn't bring their kids. My kids ended up playing with roommates' husbands' "toys", we had no idea they were off limits. Christmas cards afterward went unreciprocated. No more from her. Looking back I think her husband cut it off for us.
I think a 'friend' who would drop a friend without explaining why probably wasn't a very good a friend in the first place.
I had a friend who lived around the corner from me for 25 years. I honestly thought that we would be friends forever as, although we had many differences, they never affected our friendship. Then her older sister moved back to the county after many years away. Suddenly our weekly get-togethers were interrupted by phone calls from her sister who 'forgot' we were meeting up, then they were cancelled with no notice because her sister wanted to do something. Next she moved house about 20 miles away to be closer to her sister. Texts stopped, birthday cards stopped. We are now down to a card at Christmas. It makes me sad when I think of how close we once were.
I had to end l2 ong friendships because of Trump. Both insisted on trying to convince me to embrace their way of thinking, even after I told them clearly to stop.
Nearly 18 years of working together. Our husbands had met and got one. Suddenly, she told me I was a gossip and could no longer be considered a friend. The source of her information about me was a new hire of the same faith. The new woman caused so much trouble in our area. After a year, she would be polite and acknowledge I was there.
I miss her but I always knew inside that the friendship would end eventually due to our different life styles. She is childfree and her spouse is much older. I have children.
I was hurt that someone new, of the same faith would be believed over someone who had known her for years, been quiet/discrete about what I knew about her life outside of work. I even assisted her hiring in a quieter area of our business.
Similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. As I read your story I could feel my own unresolved grief. I also feel I am reluctant to attend unknown groups or social situations now as I have lost my confidence a bit. JennyP
it is sad when friendships end or fizzle out. hopefully you have other friends.
I had a friend at work. I used to do lunchtime walks with her. I liked her a lot, and invited her and her dad to my house one evening to meet my son and husband,. When I went on vacation she gave me a small gift of a notebook and pen to write about the trip. I really enjoyed her friendship. Then suddenly she stopped responding when I tried to arrange our next walk. I was very hurt. Years later I still wonder why; Jean/Wpg
A little over a year ago an uncle died and at the funeral, a close cousin ignored me. She lived 45 miles away from me and I thought maybe she didn't recognize me. Cut to this year when I moved to where she lives and many of my relatives live, she still hasn't acknowledged that I live here. Living 45 miles away, I don't know how I've made someone unlike me! I go to work and go home! At least my aunt, her mother, has come by and visited. I've been tempted to ask her how come Monica is being this way but I thought it might be best to let 'sleeping dogs lie'. I can't control how someone is and why, just myself and I choose peace. It still stings. Since moving here, I've found that my relatives all don't get along with each other. My grandma had 9 children so I have 30+ first cousins, 3 aunts and an uncle and many of them live where I have moved to. I keep neutral when a relative expects me to jump on her side against another relative. Their squabbles have nothing to do with me. I'm sorry you're going through this. In the US, we have a saying that goes 'you've made your bed, now lie in it', an idiom that says now you must deal with the consequences of your actions. I wish I knew what my actions were.🤯🤷🏻♀️
I'm really sorry that happened to you.
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