I wonder what you would have done if this had happened to you?
I had a phone call from a friend on Saturday and we had the usual preamble of .......'how are you, how's the family, have you any holiday plans, etc' And then she started to talk about her daughter's teaching job. I nearly stopped her because I know someone, who is teaching at the same school. They've just had the dreaded OFSTED.. and it didn't go well.
I listened quietly while she told me how well her daughter had done. I knew she wasn't speaking the truth because no one in the school had an excellent report.
I should have made some excuse, like someone at the door or something, to end the phone call, but I didn't.
She back tracked a few times, and I felt very awkward, as the lies grew, to cover what she had said originally.
I did manage to say Goodbye, but I felt so bad and now I don't think our friendship will weather this and I'm sad.
What is it that we can't accept that sometimes, we just don't make the grade. I worked through three OFSTEDS, two had good reports and one not so good, in fact the school report was pretty awful.. all three were stressful to the extent that I bought new clothes so I wouldn't have to worry what to wear. But I survived and carried on teaching for years after that.
What would you have done?
Chrisxx
For people who don't live in UK, Ofsteds are whole school inspections, usually over three days.
12 comments:
I think I would have done the same as you. I might have said "Oh, that's good. I heard that they didn't get such a good rating this time," when she started talking about it, but i wouldn't have openly challenged her.
That's a hard one. I wonder if the daughter didn't want to upset Mum, so told her all had gone well, "embroidering" the story a bit. And her proud mum hyped it up a bit more... Bad Ofsteds can have a devastating effect on teachers, even the best ones, as the sad story of Ruth Perry revealed.
Let the dust settle, and maybe in a few months you will be able to chat with your friend again. It does hurt to feel you are being lied to. But life is short and friendships are precious. Wait and hope for her to acknowledge she was foolish in what she said, she may already be regretting it
I would have listened, like you, and made non-commital replies, like you, and let well alone, like you!
Ofsteds are roughl on everyone. I've never had a proper personal experience because I was a visiting music teacher. One inspector who came into my class disappeared pretty quickly when I dished out rhythm cards and told my beginner recorders to 'practice their cards using their favourite notes and then we would listen to everyone in turn'. She wasn't supposed to be inspecting this class anyway...
I would have done the same. I do wonder if the daughter didn't tell her mom the whole story.
I would have listened, as you did, and not commented. Some people are given to exaggeration and making their own story good, and we just have to accept that's the way they are. I have an in-law like that - no matter what we've done or experienced, she's always done it better, harder, longer. I now just let her talk and get on with it. She enjoys the one-sided conversations much more than I do, and she won't change now.
Angela makes a good point that the Mum may not the whole truth. I agree with Tracy that I would have made a comment that it didn't go so well, then ignore it. and it the future take things your friend said with a grain of salt. Some people are just like that.
Like someone already said, perhaps the daughter didn't tell her mother how badly it had gone and perhaps her daughters really wasn't as bad as some other aspects of the school. Is her embellishing worth ending a friendship for?
I think I would have reacted in the same way as Tracy in the first comment said. Let her know that you do hear things other than from her. She might only be passing on what she was told, so maybe, if you can, your friendship with her deserves another chance.
I am not sure what an OFSTED is, but yes, i would have just murmured that's great and let it go. She may be trying to convince herself that all is well. So hard, though, to swallow your disbelief!
I would have listened without comment. But in the future I would not necessarily believe anything she told me. . .
I'm with the others and would have done what you did.
That's a tough one. I would have just listened and said nothing I think.
Post a Comment