I am so annoyed because I think I've missed out in life. Mariella Frostrup has been television, promoting her new cook book for women going through the menopause. There is so much talk about that and the perimenopause today. I don't know how other women of my age group dealt with this, but I just got on with it. Nobody knew what I was going through. My best friend, when she got to the 'age' made some muffins supposedly for women going through the 'change' and they were very tasty, but were they good for me? I don't know I just wolfed them down with a nice cup of tea, which I think did me more good than the muffins!
The same it was when I was pregnant. I can't remember anyone going over board when I got to 12 weeks, it came and went. Nobody ever asked me to feel the baby moving and then jumped for joy when they felt it. I didn't have a Baby Shower, yes, I had presents when each was born, but nothing frivolous, a bundle of nappies and a knitted cardi were my gifts and I was very graceful for them.
Today young people celebrate all different stages of being pregnant and you can buy all sorts of baby items. I'm always delighted to hear of someone expecting and am happy to feel the baby moving.. and the delight on the expectant mum's face is lovely to see, when I say, yes I can feel the movement.
So is this way of life today and why do I feel I've missed something?
A lot today is finance, not all couples can buy all the extras that are lovely to have but not an essential, but when you look there are some lovely things out there. This is an example; a blanket on which you you can record your baby's age. Isn't this a lovely idea? And of course there is photographic evidence of the different stages and that didn't happen in the 60s, shame but we had birthday and holiday and Christmas photos, but not every smile! I would have loved something like this for my children.
No I don't. Yes, it is so much easier to take photos at any and every moment on your phone - but honestly, if your child is 10, and you have taken an average of 10 pictures a week since birth [not difficult] that is 5000 shots stored in the ether/on a hard drive/wherever. And you will be unlikely to sort them out. I have a biscuit tin in the loft full of photographs [perhaps 100] taken over the last 45 years of marriage and parenting. I need to sort and cull them. I never had a 'hen do' or 'babyshowers' - there just wasn't the money for such events. But all through my life I have been fortunate to be surrounded by loving family and friends. People who were there when I needed help or support, people to share the joys and sadnesses. I have heard many younger women say "they turned up for the parties, but weren't there when I was desperate for a friend to help me through the tough times". Sadly many treat relationships as superficial. I am sorry you feel you have missed out. But I am sure you have some good memories, and some loving people around you.
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ReplyDeleteNo sure that I feel I missed out, things were just different. The only thing I wish I'd done was take more family photos. Like you I just got on with things.
ReplyDeleteI went to my Granddaughter's last Sunday.Hired a hall Buffet Party games Photos Balloons ,absolute load of Twaddle and a complete and utter waste of money.Not for me ,I don’t feel like I missed out in fact I’m glad it wasn’t a thing when I had my children. Kath xx
ReplyDeleteNot in the slightest! We didn’t tell anyone about our forthcoming baby until I was 4 months pregnant and she was born early 4 months later. My mother in law kept all the baby things in the house until our daughter was born and I was grateful for every gift she was given. She is an only child as I was very unwell when she was born, and we heeded medical advice to be happy with one. I now give people money when their children are born as they all seem to have so much stuff before baby even arrives. I will sometimes make a quilt/ playmat but only if I have ensured that they want one. The greatest gift I was given when our daughter was born was time and help from my mother in law when we had a baby who didn’t sleep. Catriona
ReplyDeleteI guess every period of time does things differently.
ReplyDeleteI wish digital camera's had been a thing when my kids were little. I would have taken more photos!
Hello Chris,
ReplyDeleteWe like to count our many blessings rather than even consider what might have been. Hindsight is a wonderful thing for understanding something but can be dangerous in making comparisons. Today, it feels as if everyone is under pressure from so many directions to do this or that and we are immersed in images that may or may not be real. So much better to stay with the basics. Feed, clothe, talk and read to children....sadly there is often a real lack in these areas.
Not sure that missed out are the right words, as it was just the way of life when I was having my children.
ReplyDeleteAt the present time, I am feeling "missed out" for other reasons which require too much writing, so will keep that for possibly writing on my blog in the future.
No, I really don't think that I missed out at all. We had all the same milestones and experience, but just for ourselves. I think the pressure to buy so much and do so much would have finished me off to be honest. We had very little money, we couldn't possibly have afforded special blankets and signs etc etc that I think all the younger generation seem to think is an absolute necessity. The fact that I was pregnant each time was kept private until I had to tell people due to a little bump appearing, by then I was in the safer part of pregnancy with less chance of another loss. It was different times I guess, not better or worse, just different.
ReplyDeleteNo, I didn't miss out on anything! No proposal ceremony, no hen do, no lavish honeymoon, no baby showers, no 'gender reveals', no lavish wedding anniversary celebrations, no fuss, no bother, just a great life spent with the people that matter to me. I've family, friends, church community, enough money for food, heating, clothing, crats, present buying...
ReplyDeleteI could be sad about foreign travel, health, plans that have to be given up, wishes that can't be fulfilled... but I'd rather be loved, content, happy, and grateful for what I HAVE received.
Nearly all my big baby items, pram etc were secondhand, and there were a group of us who passed on baby clothes and maternity wear to each other. I didn't have a baby shower and neither did my daughter, although we bought her a new pram. I culled loads of photos when we moved, just don't have the storage now. My menopause was unpleasant but I got through it, although I still get hot flushes! Xx
ReplyDeleteI have just been nodding along to almost every word of KirstenM's post.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why anyone would want a gender reveal party - everyone will find out anyway when the baby puts in an appearance and as for baby showers, well what happens if something goes horribly wrong? Far better, in my mind, to wait until baby has been safely delivered and then present the happy parents with appropriate gifts.
I don’t feel I missed out on anything. I think there are people today who are needy though.
ReplyDeleteNo, don't feel like I missed out on anything. It was just different times.
ReplyDeleteI can't really answer the question, but when I look at what my nieces have I definitely feel I missed out as a child. My mother didn't take photos, there are just a few black & white pics my father took on his box brownie. Everything was handed down from my older sister, xmas presents consisted of everyday things we needed. I have no photo of myself with my beloved Dad. My nieces have countless photos of themselves including glamour shots as they got older. They wore new store bought clothes, no passing clothes around and brand new uniforms. They went on overseas trips with their parents. Only my older sister went on a trip to Europe with my grandmother, and later she travelled with my parents. The feeling of missing out was always there.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like I missed out. I suspect much of what is celebrated today, is because it gets posted on social media. X
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